When is it time to leave?
I recently had a conversation with a fellow touring TM/FOH, trading stories from the past year. After he shared some details of a particularly difficult tour, I asked him, “Why did you stay? Did you ever consider just leaving the tour and removing yourself from it altogether?” His answer was a common one—and one I’ve answered myself several times in the past: “I needed the money.”
I’ve heard stories and read posts online about precarious situations on tours. Someone is on a tour where they’re being mistreated or verbally abused. Someone is three weeks into a tour and hasn’t been paid anything yet. A crew member was asked to use their personal credit card to pay for flights or hotels. Finding yourself in a situation like this isn’t that difficult. A person can let their guard down and do some wild stuff when they're in a position they feel will either make or break their future. It doesn’t help that you’re in a personally isolated environment on tour. You’re away from your friends and family, the people you’d typically rely on for support. It’s difficult to explain the intricacies of the situation to people who aren’t immersed in it, so their otherwise solid advice can sometimes fall on deaf ears.
So, how do you know when it's time to leave a tour? "Leaving a tour" can mean leaving in the middle of a tour or not returning for another run with folks you’ve already been out with. Leaving in the middle of a tour isn't something that should be taken lightly, so really think about what's going on and how you can navigate it before you make the decision. I highly recommend reaching out to other people who tour who might have experience with what you're going through. This is a great topic to discuss in The Forum.
As I grow personally and professionally, the answer to why I would leave a toxic professional situation has evolved. I suppose early on in my career, I felt like it wasn’t even an option, but it is now more of a “What’s actually keeping me here?” I often ask myself these questions: “What is my overall career goal?” “Is this situation helping me reach that goal?” If I’m particularly miserable and waking up every day on tour dreading the experience I’m having, I ask myself: “What is your happiness worth to you?” How much longer am I really willing to subject myself to feeling this way?
There are a lot of reasons why we stay when things get bad. Our goal has been to land a touring gig, and we’ve finally got one. We’re scared to develop a bad reputation if we leave. Sometimes there are a couple of people on the tour who you've really connected with, and you might feel a moral obligation to stay. Touring is, in a way, a form of trauma bonding, and you will make friends for life quickly on the road. You will also meet folks out there who you’d be happy to never see again. Overwhelmingly, though, it’s always the money. It’s an extremely difficult thing to do, but when it comes to your well-being and safety, the money variable needs to be removed. It is important to remember that it is absolutely okay to walk away from an environment that is causing you harm in any form. Other opportunities will come.
Not long ago, I was on a month-long tour with five shows left when the entire crew was fired. I had been with the artist for some time at that point. There wasn’t a big argument or even a conversation about it—we were told via text message after a show one night by the artist’s manager. We, as a crew, agreed to stay until the end of the tour and lean on each other for moral support, but those last five shows were brutal on everyone’s mental health. The only reason we all stayed was that we all needed the money. That was it. We put ourselves through absolute hell for a week’s pay. I learned a lot about myself and what I’m willing to put up with on that tour. From that point on, if I’m in a position where I’m asking myself whether I should leave a tour, I ask myself these questions:
Is there something I can control or change to improve the situation?
Am I growing or learning from this experience?
If I were asked in the future why I left, would my reasoning be understood and validated?
That last question is a big one for me. If I were to have an honest conversation about what happened to make me part ways with someone professionally, would I be able to confidently give specific reasons and feel that my decision was valid? If the answer is yes, and I feel like my decision saved me from complete misery, I’d happily make it over and over again.
Where Did It Go Wrong?
You might have some reservations about a tour you're walking into well before it starts, or it might take you a little time and some things going wrong to realize you’ve got a decision to make. Some things you can spot a mile away, like an unresponsive artist manager or a dismissive TM. Other things might sneak up on you, like a verbally abusive crew member. All are inexcusable and completely unnecessary, in my opinion.
I’ve said this in other blogs, and I’ll never stop repeating it: A tour is a collaboration; we’re all cogs in a machine. You have to be able to work together and support each other, or the whole thing falls apart. There is a massive amount of trust and respect involved, and if even one part slips out of place, the machine starts to crumble.
Remember: No one is doing you a favor by having you on a tour. That’s a strong sentence, so read it again and really think about it. No one is entitled to your work, your time, or your happiness. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first tour or your hundredth.
I constantly have to remind myself of my goal with touring. For me personally, it’s to be a part of creating an experience and to have fun while doing it. Money, although necessary, is not my goal. Being a shit head to further my career is definitely not my goal. If I leave the comfort of my home and find myself miserable or not on the same page professionally with who I’m working with, it’s my responsibility to make my happiness a priority. The few times I have made the decision to part ways with an artist has always ended with me feeling like a weight has been lifted off of me. The stress melts away in an almost tangible way and then I'm able to shake it off to get back to focusing on my goal.
Whatever situation you find yourself in can only be judged and handled by you. Remember this blog and come back to it in the future if you have to. Remember why you chose to do what you do and, most importantly, remember your goal.
